It’s a much-loved story.

It’s midday, baking hot, and deserted. Nobody in their right mind goes out then. Except a Samaritan woman. And Jesus. It soon becomes obvious why she does: safest time of day. But Jesus…? It’s not at all obvious what he’s up to.

You see, she’s been married 5 times, and living with a 6th. And we all know what that means… No wonder she goes out then. She can get her water while avoiding the gibes, jeers and scorn.

‘I have no husband,’ she replied.
Jesus said to her, ‘You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.’ (John 4:17-18)

Now, here’s the thing. The story lends itself perfectly to a dissatisfaction narrative: you know the one? Looking for ultimate meaning in relationships in this life… but they always fail to deliver, so you go onto the next one, hoping for the big one. It’s the perfect illustration for the point that Jesus just made about the difference between drinking well water and his eternal water (4:13). She will need to return to the well tomorrow for more water. Whereas Jesus quenches spiritual thirst forever. If only she hadn’t sought fulfilment in her marriages… she’d have saved so much heartache!

That’ll preach! And I’ve now lost count of the times I’ve read or heard it. In fact, I was reading something just this week which emphasised the point.

A life turned round by grace

A very cursory glance at some popular commentaries reinforces this. Please note: I’m not being critical of them – in their different ways, each offers genuinely helpful contributions. But when it comes to this anonymous woman’s past, they are silent about it, or make similar points. Nearly all pick up on Jesus’s wonderful gentleness and openness, but this is how they describe her.

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  • New Bible Comm. (Donald Guthrie): she ‘has not grasped the nature of her own need’ and observes that Jewish rabbinical teaching condemned divorcing more than 3 times.
  • ESV Study Bible (Andreas Köstenberger): no mention of her past – instead, he just lists a few OT texts on sexual immorality.
  • BST (Bruce Milne): the woman is being ‘evasive’. She is then ‘caught’ out by Jesus’s obviously supernatural knowledge.
  • Pillar (Don Carson): her response was ‘truculent’ and trying ‘to ward off further probing’ and aims to ‘mask her guilt and hurt’. Otherwise no other explanation.
  • Preaching the Word (Kent Hughes): hers is a ‘parched soul’ whose life was ‘a miserable chain of unfulfilling relationships’. Then the ‘pathetic fact that she had married five times indicates that she longed for fulfilment in her life and that she had sought it intensely’.
  • Teaching John (Lucas and Philip): the chapter titled: ‘Jesus and a tainted woman’ – part of the ‘morally degenerate’ and condemned by the law because of ‘the nature of her life and behaviour’.
  • Word (George Beasley-Murray): Jesus’s question about the husband leads to ‘a revelation of her immoral life.’

Now I am not making the crass point that she had can’t have had anything to be ashamed of. That would be absurd. Then, once she is overcome by coming to know Christ, she tells everyone about it (with a remarkable impact – 4:39-42 – Samaritans accept him too). She has said that, ‘he told me everything I had ever done’. That could be a neutral statement – in other words, he knew how many marriages she’d had. But it is likely (as well as theologically correct) to say that he knew her heart and her deepest spiritual needs – for forgiveness as well as satisfaction. So the commentators above who mention her spiritual needs met in Christ are clearly right.

But there’s one crucial factor in the story which is so often overlooked – and it changes the narrative’s complexion radically.

A victim of victim blame?

The factor is the status of women in the ancient world. Without question, there was an imbalance of power when it came to marriage. Divorce was relatively easy for men, but practically impossible for women (eg see here). And as far as I could see from my far too quick survey, Kruse was the only one to point this out in the newer Tyndale NT Commentary.

  • Tyndale (Colin Kruse): he points out that it’s not 100% clear from John’s of anēr (πέντε γὰρ ἄνδρας) her 5 prior relationships were marriages or affairs (anēr can be translated ‘man’ and ‘husband’). But he does mention her lack of prerogative to divorce, while highlighting Jesus’s gentleness and supernatural knowledge.

So let’s presume, therefore, that she didn’t necessarily want the divorces. It’s speculative of course, but isn’t it much more likely that she could only acquiesce to what men did to her? The more often it happened, the greater the sense of ‘being damaged goods’. I found myself thinking about this a lot recently by the phenomenon in the new China of the ‘mistress-dispellers’, described in a fascinating if long New Yorker article.

Let me know who should get credit for this image

But it was worse in 1st Century Judaea. No wonder she was living with a 6th man, even without being married to him. What else could a woman in such a vulnerable position do? That would be better than nothing.

Jesus offers no comment about her status. And treats her with a magnetic dignity and respect. Even though he is outrageously transgressing various ancient taboos (a Jewish, single man, speaking to a multi-married, Samaritan woman in public)! He doesn’t condemn her lifestyle but meets her deepest heart-needs. I’m not sure he would be so gentle to the various men who have treated her so badly. [Nor, for that matter, would he be so accommodating to the man with whom the woman about to be stoned in John 8 – but that’s another story.]

This doesn’t change the overarching satisfaction narrative, of course. That’ll still preach. But it does deepen it. There is, in addition, a wonderfully affirmative and empowering element to the intervention of grace. It proves that for Jesus, there is never such a thing as damaged goods.

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This Post Has 49 Comments

  1. kimlovesjozi

    Is it possible that these men keep divorcing her because she doesn’t bear them children?

    1. quaesitor

      It’s definitely possible. Yet another factor in her heartache

      1. Marilyn Colley

        If the storey was about a man with 5 wives it would be a totally different conversation and that is what makes me angry about the stories in the Bible constantly betraying and belittling the women
        Whom man asked for btw!!!!

        1. Anthony

          I prayed for you Marilyn, I sincerely hope you find the truth in God’s word and His rest in Yeshua.

    2. Thomas D Fleming

      The angles read so far about ‘the woman at well’ focus on the example of her life. The example I believe Jesus was giving to us was; that she acknowledged faith in Him and went and told the many which was a way of forgiveness for a multitude of sins. Jesus teaches and taught that. So to me the moral of the story is to first believe even with signs. Just don’t ignore the messages from God. And next to go and spread the Word. This ‘woman at the well,’ regardless of how many marriages and live together relationships she had her heart was with The Lord and she meant no harm but to send Gods love to everyone she met by telling them for Jesus where He would speak or be next and soon. She earned mercy and forgiveness with the mercy to love with grace our her whole more life.

      1. Danny

        I agree Thomas. You know what baffles me about this comment section… There are 40+ comments, and almost every single one is debating what type of sinner she was, or whether she was guilty under the law of God. It really stuns me how wide of the mark this discussion has been. Everyone is looking at this woman’s powerful story of grace and a new beginning in Christ, and somehow missing the message completely. All we’re doing is living in her sordid past and arguing about how bad of a person she was.

        The main reason Jesus went to Samaria was to meet this woman. He didn’t come all that way to judge her level of sinfulness, or point out Bible verses that say she’s condemned and needs to repent. This woman was deeply broken over her past. The entire town shunned her. She did not need any more condemnation… she needed a Savior. Jesus came to be her Savior. He revealed himself to her as the Messiah, without a single word of rebuke for her past. Jesus came to begin a brand new work in her life and redeem her soul. It all flowed out of his crucifixion and resurrection for her sins, which at that time were still to come.

        I wonder how people like her would feel, if they came across this article, and then in the comments they saw tons of people doing nothing but arguing and judging her past life in the comments. I hope that person will see Jesus here too. ❤✝️

        1. quaesitor

          thank you!

  2. David K

    I wonder whether both the dissatisfaction and the victim-of-patriarchy narratives both are too modern and not Jewish enough.

    The echoes of Rebekkah and Rachel at the well reminds you that wells are places the bride is found for the bridegroom.

    The woman could be seen as a symbol of unfaithful Israel (particularly the Northern Kingdom) worshipping on the wrong mountains. Of course Israel was also the victim of those gods and kingdoms she chased after. She was both sinner AND sinned against with her many husbands. But the true bridegroom is calling her back.

  3. Miriam rundle

    2000 years ago there was no marrage licence. This was when a man picked a virgin took her back to his or her tent and the rest is history. So what confuses me the lady at the well had 5 husbands and was living with the 6 without marrage im confused by this.

    1. Mar

      Marriage is when a man comes together with a woman and become one in flesh. Not by a legal paper or church ceremony. Every time she came together for what ever reason with another man it was a new marriage. But I believe when she met Jesus she found true Love and never needed another man. For Jesus offered her the water that was ever lasting!

  4. Lizzie

    Miriam , They had to give certificate of divorce (via Moses) so there was a validity further than “back to the tent” 🙂

    1. stephen

      a certificate of devorse doesent break the marriage covnant . remember moses gave this because only one time because of the hardness of the heart this isnt a new order ,as people were complaining moaning despite how many were lead out of egypt how many enterd into the promised land 7 or eight if i recall
      this was because of there lack of faith they died we have a GOD of justice as well and judement he isnt all love if that was the case jesus would never have had to die for sin .

  5. Zebedee Johnson

    Remember this woman was half Jew, so many of the customs were not applicable to the Samaritans. Five different nations were dropped off in Samaria, II Kings 17:24, who knew nothing of God, II Kings 17:25. Verse 33, they feared the Lotd but yet “served” their own gods. Perhaps when Jesus mentioned the five husbands he was referring to the five nations that were planted there. Possibly the woman tried every nation and ran out of choices. Being exhausted, she decides to cohabitate with #6. The idea of Jesus was to deliver the gospel and proper worship to the Samaritans by using the woman who was very familiar with the people and also known for her own proclivities, as a catalyst to get it done.

  6. Fritz Messer

    Well there’s another level to this story, the five husband might refer to the idols/powers the Samaritans have served from the past, and the current man might refer to Rome

    1. quaesitor

      it’s not impossible… but I’m usually pretty sceptical of over-allegorised interpretations. There’s absolutely nothing in the text to suggest anything of the sort. Why five? Why would the Samaritans be serving Rome (esp when they might have regarded their faithfulness to the Torah as more faithful than Israel’s larger canon of scriptural texts)? We’re on safer ground if we simply see what is going on in the narrative and seek to understand that within the context of the whole gospel.

      1. Bill Benson

        And you know that she had not married 5 now deceased brothers… how?

  7. Mark Brown

    Loved the article as well as the premise. As for your statement…”but I’m usually pretty sceptical of over-allegorised interpretations…” I couldn’t agree more! Anyone whose ever been publicly exposed for thier sin in small town should be able to identify with this woman.

  8. martin

    he was pointing out her sin and needed to repent . as the other woman caought in adultry he said sin no more jesus said if we know we are sinning then there is no forgivness and if we keep sinning there is no forgivness must jesus be crucified again . no

  9. Mara

    Is it possible that the 6th man Jesus refers to is in fact married to another woman? Because marriage back then had to do with a blood connection (via a virgin), -sexual relationship and a covenant w/ God.

  10. Andrew Shanks

    Was it just an unimportant detail that she had had “five husbands” – rather than four or six, or any other number – or was this too in the providence of God?

    Jesus meets the woman alone, at a well. Isaac’s bride was found at a well, Moses first saw his bride at a well, and Jacob too. It seems a well was a good place for single men to meet single women, for a life partner.

    “Jesus therefore, being wearied with his journey, sat thus on the well.” Jesus was not a ghost, or an angel, he was a real man, fully man, with all the emotions and passions of a real man… yet without sin.

    He is similar to Adam in his sinless innocence before he fell, who filled with desire for the woman, burst into emotional, passionate poetry as soon as he saw a woman, his life companion, Eve: “This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.” This Samaritan woman had had five husbands, another man would not commit himself, and now Jesus, the perfect man, is willing to be the seventh man in her life, a husband, who will never leave her nor forsake her, different from all the rest because He will remain faithful, and if she be unfaithful to him, then he will take steps to win back her heart’s deepest love. With him she can enter into rest, she can cease from her own labour and enter into peace and joy. She can know that he knows her through and through and yet accepts her and will stay with her forever.

    Seven is the perfect number in scripture, maybe because if you make a sevenfold promise as Abraham did (Genesis 21:27-32) you are emphatically promising to keep the promise in the future on every single day of the week – I promise I will keep this promise on all future Mondays, and I promise I will keep this promise on all future Tuesdays, etc. Maybe by this means a sevenfold promise became a perfect promise, and seven thus became the perfect number.

    And The Seventh Man in her life is just perfect for her. And because He is the infinite God He is perfect for every other lost, rejected, poor soul who will tie the knot with Him too.

    1. Lucinda Cantu

      Jesus went to the cross with no sin
      He became sin for us. Sin to die on a cross.
      Jesus was in the earth but live in the spirit not in the flesh
      Jesus did not have sexual desires! There is no place in God’s word giving credit to your remarks!

  11. Debbie

    Could it be the word husband’s could refer to something else entirely? At that time in Samaria, the people worshiped idols. There were six different idols at that time. She had been going from one idol to another because she was looking for fulfillment. And none of them satisfied her. Then she met Jesus, who asked her to go and get her husband and she replys I have no husband. He says your right in saying you have no husband . You are on your sixth one and he is not your husband. Jesus was telling her I am your husband. He is the only one who can satisfy us. She was searching out other gods but they have nothing to offer, their not real. Then she met Jesus and her eyes were opened. She finally found her true love.😀

  12. Kye

    Where does it say that she was divorced? Why could she not have widowed? Women could not initiate divorce. Although living under the same roof as the 6th man, it well could have been in the presence of his family in preparation for marriage, meaning guard against impropriety. Why speculate immorality when it is not even intimated by Jesus. Plus, she went back to her town and proclaimed Jesus the Messiah. Who is going to listen to the town whore?

  13. Madlanga Thatu

    Is it possible that this was refering to a number of people that she had been sexualiy intimate with?

  14. Wendy

    Is it impossible to believe she was a widow. Maybe the first husband dies and she was married off to a brother or kinsman related to the husband and so on down the line. Men did not live very long back in those days.I think this because the book of Ruth,she was a widow and was married to a kinsman of her father-in-law,who was Boaz.Samaritan womans sin was living with a man who was not her husband not necessarily the five husbands.If you ask for forgiveness ,Jesus will forgive you,however, you are not suppose to keep sinning again and again.She went back to town and was testifiying that Christ new all things ever she did.Well Every one is entitled to their interpretation

    1. stephen

      jesus pointed out that the woman at the well was sinning she had had 5 husbands and the one she was with now wasnt her husband .as jesus teaching on marriage is very strict not it be for fornication he says in matthew 19.9 .the word not was changed to exept by erasmus in 1522 giving the option for remmariage . did jesus devorse his church and marry another no did GOD devorse israel and marry another no does death break the marriage covnant yes . hes talking about physical death not spiritual .eg as paul tought a unbeliver is saved by a believer in marriage union
      that doesent mean a believer can marry a unbeliver that would be unequaily yoked . hes talking about to unbelivers and one gets saved or begining to be saved .
      as we see in scripture the apostles teaching is the lords command 1 cor 14.37 2 peter 3.2 and acts 10.43 psalm 119.9 ,well we have our opinions but it doesent mean they are right we must fall in line to scripture . as you can see today the church is in a mess because of opinions rather than the word of GOD as the two witnesess in revelation will bring judement not complacency and false teaching . we can see the result of richard dawkins work in uk now because he attacked christianity
      people are getting confused about there gender .animals and insects dont get confused about who they are and we rule over them and are made in the image of GOD

  15. Erica Nicholson

    That was soooooooo good thank you sooooooooooooooo much God bless you

  16. John Sims

    the text doesn’t say she was divorced 5 times, yet i keep hearing some teachers build a lesson including this. the text says that Lord was tired, at the well, and asked the woman for a drink, the temp was not mentioned, yet i’ve heard teachings where the temp was described as being hot. the last mention of the time of year was passover, probably an april passover, and maybe the temps in holy land were cooler then, who knows, still no mention in the scriptural account, so why add to the scriptures…..

    1. stephen

      verse 17 the woman answerd and said ihave no husband jesus said to her .you have well said i have no husband for you have had five husbands and the one whom you have now is not your husband
      the only thing that breaks the marriage covnant is death so they could have all died , and the one the woman was with now she wasnt married to yes it dosent say much about it
      jesus went on to talk a lot to her and spend 2 days with the smaritans verse 43 it looks like he was showing him self to the samaritians and telling them he was the messiah . the woman must have repented after that

      1. Dr. Elaine

        The mentioning of the 5 husbands she had and being with a man while not married seem to help the woman consider that Jesus was the Christ because He knew her past and present. “Had” seems to imply that the husbands died not that she divorced them. Mark 12:19-25 shows that Jesus is familiar with the law where a women can be married multiple times. Jesus saying 5 husbands is more exact than saying “several”. The detailed information seems to compel the woman to say to others, come see a man that told me things I’ve done. She had no other explanation for a strange man to know the details of her life.

        1. stephen

          yes john 2.24 JESUS new all mens hearts

        2. Debbie

          Did you ever read in the Bible where we that believe in Jesus and love Him are referred to as the bride of Christ. And therefore that makes Christ our husband. We worship Jesus and He is our husband. So whoever we worship becomes our husband. There were six different idols in Samaria the people were worshipping at that time. The woman at the well was searching for the one true God and she was trying them all and wasn’t satisfied with any of them, even the sixth one. She was worshipping these idols and therefore they became her husband’s. Jesus knew this. The woman herself knew she wasn’t married to a (human) husband. She new what Jesus meant. So Jesus said go call Your husband and she said I have no husband. Jesus said you are right you have had five husband’s and the one you are with now is not your husband.(so here they are talking about husband’s.. and she says, Sir I perceive that You are a prophet. Our fathers worshipped on this mountain and you say that Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship. Why did she change the subject? They were talking about husband’s and then she changes the subject and starts talking about worshiping on this mountain. Or maybe she didn’t change the subject. Because she had been worshipping idols looking for the one true God (Jesus knows that and so does she.) She was questioning where can I find the one true God, on this mountain? Now read John 4:22-24. Then the woman says I know that Messiah is coming the one who is called Christ. When He comes He will show us all things. Now picture this. He is looking into her eyes and she into His and Jesus says, I who speak to You am He. Can you imagine, she had been looking for the real God with all her heart…and there He was standing right in front of her. I got goose bumps.

          1. stephen

            husband here doesent mean idol it means man greek is 435 and is jesus word , when you enter into speculation and subjective imppressions its a whole new ball game one of deception

            it creates chaos in church and stops all holy spirits work i seen my church blown to bits by it feeling goosebumps really have no anchor in word of GOD

            as i found out my self they just lead to bitter end a lot o women come into church

            and really believe all these feeling they have its part of sinfull nature which must be crucified you only have to give satan your little finger and he has taken your arm and came in back door then he has given you a vision to edify these feeling you have then a scripture to make it seem even more real then he says wait for thee appointed time so you wait pray for ten years then you end back to square one you have to start over again and GOD will tell you i have come to test you but not for destruction to give you experiance,

  17. rh devere

    Too much subjective interpretation and allegorising of a simple story. Why not just take it for what it is. – an encounter that shows us what a kind hearted person Jesus was and how tolerant and understanding of the mant differences between people

    1. Debbie

      The woman was searching for God the one who would save them. She was worshiping idols looking for the right one. Little did she know she had found him at the well.

  18. Chris

    All good comments, thanks!

    Come quickly Lord Jesus… I too long for your appearance.

  19. Melanie

    The image you used in this post is from a film made by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In your caption, you said to let you know! 🙂 Here’s the link “Jesus Teaches a Samaritan Woman”

  20. mayatutay

    It is possible that the translation of John 4:18 referring to the Samaritan woman having had five “husbands” may be inaccurate or based on the assumptions of the English translators. The Greek word used in the original text, “ἀνήρ or anēr”, can refer to a lawful husband or simply a man or fellow. Therefore, the men mentioned in the passage may not necessarily have been the woman’s lawful husbands but rather domestic partners she cohabited or lived with. Additionally, the men may have passed away rather than her having been divorced from them.

    1. stephen houghton

      Jesus refers to them as the woman’s husbands john 4.18 a husband means married covenant . how long each husband lived i don’t know .strange that they all died and the one she was with now wasn’t her husband that means she wasn’t married if she divorced them and married the one she was with now she would be committing adultery .as jesus said sin no more to woman caught in adultery .
      Fornication is also as sin to be cohabiting with men would be risk of sin. There isn’t much info in this passage i think to use acts 17.11 to compare all scripture about marriage divorce staying single being GOD fearing in these days we live Jesus dosent say anywhere you can be remarried after divorce it pastors that twist scripture and go along with early church fathers
      who have followed Erasmus the humanist who added many clauses into the word of GOD before the reformation .Not all can except Jesus teaching Matthew 19.11

  21. Angela E Bigelow

    I am always confused by this story. A woman in this time period didn’t have the same rights as a man. So I know she wasn’t running around getting quickie marriages and quickie divorces. She wouldn’t be allowed to do this. So, I don’t know why she is referred to as immoral. If she was widowed a few times, I could see how her choices would be limited. But she was a woman who was trying to survive in a society that held her in little regard.

  22. My Name

    Being a women married 3x myself this is what I see at the well. Brokenness, heartache, shame and desperation. A simple woman seeking that which she could not find in a man. Not because she was less than any other women but because this was all she knew until Jesus. Through her trial an error she knew there was something more to be had something more she desired. Physical needs were met however we all are born with an inner man (soul), this part of anyone will always be searching and always seeking until our thirst is quenched and we sip of that everlasting water only provided by God.
    Still then we have to pray daily never ceasing as the Word instructs to maintain our relationship with Christ. If we don’t stay dedicated and devoted to
    God through Christ we {not} Christ will end that relationship in divorce so to speak. Judgement from those around her only made her feel worse. Those who judge others are ALWAYS deep down broken and/or missing something inside. Simply can’t see it or acknowledge it because we need someone to deflect what’s in our own hearts. Yes, there is something that causes us to harshly judge one another. It may not be multiple men, women or the other but it’s definitely something. When you are thirsty naturally you drink and when your thirsty spiritually you seek. Gratefully she found her thirst quencher because most people stubble through life without ever finding their oasis. So, let’s do better, let’s be better and please let us be more Christ like. Say what you will life begins at the well. We can all stand to drink from it. Run don’t walk. God help us all in Jesus name.

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