“To be… or not to be”: Rhyming dilemmas of homicide and suicide

No, please don’t worry – I’m contemplating neither.

But I did rather enjoy these two little ditties in Wendy Cope’s marvellous anthology of humorous poetry, The Funny Side.

The first is by Stanley Sharpless, about whom I’ve been able to dig up little (apart from this reflection which is fun because Fitzroy Sq is just down the road from us, and this rather pertinent Song against Europe!)

Hamlet
Stanley J Sharpless

Prince Hamlet thought Uncle a traitor
For having it off with his Mater;
Revenge Dad or not?
That’s the gist of the plot,
And he did – nine soliloquies later

Genius.

Then leafing through, I thought this rather good too by the irrepressible Dorothy Parker

Résumé
Dorothy Parker

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

Yes indeed. How true.